Midnight's Chicken, by Cal O Cal
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Midnight's Chicken, by Cal O Cal
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Midnight’s Chicken is based on one segment of my life-long journey that took me to over 130 countries. Cal O Cal, the narrator and the main character in the book, is my alter ego. The book is a sequence of interconnected satirical stories that began when a pair of beautiful yellow pants suddenly entered my life and we decided to travel the world together. What follows is a bizarre concoction of fact, fantasy, and fiction mixed with several real and imaginary characters including dinosaurs, Loch ness monsters, Gods, Genghis Khan, Buddha and Dalai Lama. The story begins and ends in Munich, which is where I live; and therefore the book carries a strong running theme of German life revolving around beer, cheese and dirndls. The story starts with an insight into the bizarre circumstances surrounding my birth, my unusual education at a Chinese restaurant, my beliefs in edible Gods, my weird sarcastic humor, and my connection to Germans who refused to joke--all vital pieces of information for the establishment of my character as the narrator of the story. And then we go around the world from Germany through India, Burma, Philippines, Australia, South Korea, China, Mongolia, Tibet, Scotland, Portugal, Spain and back to Munich. The reason why the book is titled Midnight’s Chicken will reveal itself during the course of the book. As a traveler, I used to write daily observational short stories on social media using satire, sarcasm and irony, which appealed to some people who insisted that I should write a book. Midnight's Chicken was born. As someone who lived in Asia, Europe and North America, I consider myself a global citizen. However, the stories are told as someone who does not belong to any one nationality, race, religion or culture.
Midnight's Chicken, by Cal O Cal- Amazon Sales Rank: #817898 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-06-03
- Released on: 2015-06-03
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review Excerpts from the book Midnight's Chicken.About Bavarians:"Bavarians normally hang around in groups; often near watering holes, lying in the sun,grunting, scratching, licking, biting, mating, kissing, cuddling and picking lice off each other's hair. If you must approach them, always lay low, move very very slowly, do not make any sudden quick movements, do not make any noise, and do not make eye contact. Only when you are at a safe distance,whisper slowly but gently. Identify yourself and wait. You must wait. Oh you must wait. You must be patient. Do not repeat yourself. Do not raise your voice. They have heard you the first time. Repeating only annoys them and makes them very aggressive. And whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not smile because that will confuse the heck out of a Bavarian and trust me, you do not want to be around a confused Bavarian. If all goes well, and if you are lucky,one of the Bavarians will look at you and asks what you want in their trademark pissed off tone. It's normal so do not get shocked or offended. Answer politely, in a low voice, keep it short, get to the point quickly and everything will be alright. One wrong move anywhere and it could get violently fatal especially if she happens to be one of those gorgeous blonde Bavarian beauties sunbathing naked."About China:"Two such bizarre habits are China's obsession with spitting in public and cutting in lines. I thought Indians were the masters at these two games but Chinese will match them spit to spit and shove to shove. While Indians generally spit outside on the streets and on the walls, Chinese will happily dispense their divine oral juices mixed with a glob of phlegm right where they are whether they are standing in a line, or sitting in a waiting area or even inside a train or a bus--usually after a warning growl that comes from the back of their throat. You must act fast to get out of the way cuz once released, the glob of phlegm turns into an intercontinental ballistic missile and will chase you down as has happened to me that morning.I was standing in line at the train station to get my ticket to Chengdu when I suddenly heard the pre-spit growl from a man behind me. I know what was gonna happen next cuz I was directly in the line of fire. The man was about to fire the spit missile and I had to act fast before it hits me. It was in that split second I decided to become Chinese for a moment and cut in front of the line and rushed towards the ticket counter. In that very moment the man let out the spit. I turned my head and noticed that the spitball of mucus was coming directly at me. In the last micro millisecond, I ducked backwards ninety degrees like Jackie Chan and watched the spit go past my face like a bullet almost scraping my nose--in slow motion. That was so close. I thought I was lucky and thought I got away with it. I was wrong. I turned around and to my utter horror, saw that the spit made a U-turn and was coming right back at me and this time it looked angry. Once again I ducked in the very last split second and escaped another close call. The glob of spit, stopped in the midair for a second, turned around, stretched a bit, and was ready to attack me once again. It was in that moment I realized that it was not just any spit. It was actually a precision guided missile, and it will not stop until it hits the target--me. So there I was, in a Chinese train station, running all over, being chased by a disgusting and angry lugie. Suddenly I felt Jackie Chan enter my body and suddenly I became a Kung Fu fighter. I was running, dodging, ducking,swaying, bending, slipping, sliding, and walking on the vertical walls making backward flips like Jackie. But no matter what I did, the spitball didn't get tired and kept chasing me all over the train station. In between the chases, I was running from counter to counter, cutting in front of lines and screaming "One ticket to Chengdu please". All I heard back from the ladies behind the glass windows was "Chi Chi Chi Chi Chi" or at least that's how it sounded to my ears.Suddenly my feet started to hurt and were getting tired of running. I realized that there is no way I could escape from the bloody spit by running. It will chase me forever. I had to do something different. I dodged it one more time and took a good look at it. Something suddenly sparked in my brain. I noticed that everytime I dodged it, the momentum was forcing it to travel in the air for a few more meters before it stops, turns around and gets ready to attack. Quickly I calculated in my mind its flight, path, trajectory, curvature, and velocity,and suddenly I realized that I was making a mistake by running away from it.All I had to do was trick it into a path of self-destruction. I knew exactly what I wanted to do next. I understand physics; but the spit does't cuz spit didn't go to high school. And it was this lack of understanding of physics by the stupid spit I was gonna take full advantage of. I know it was getting ready to attack me once again. This time it went much farther and was planning to come at me at full force and at super high speed. I saw it stretch even longer with much wider wingspan for maximum speed. I slowly moved towards the ticket counter walking backwards. I stopped when my back hit the glass window. All the people in the lines moved away and gathered on both sides to watch the showdown with bated breath. So there we were, me with my back against the glass window,and the gooey slimy spit suspended in the air getting ready to attack me any second. We kept staring at each other. Everybody was tense and suddenly the soundtrack from Jaws started playing as the spit started to move towards me and was gaining speed and momentum. I did not move. I did not run. I remained still. What the spit didn't know was that there was glass behind me. If it misses me, it has no choice but to crash into the glass. There was no way it could escape. Because of the momentum, it would have no chance to stop or turnaround. But the spit didn't know that cuz it was stupid. I saw it coming at meat great speed but I remained unmoved looking straight into its eyes and once again, one micro millisecond before it was about to hit me, I ducked. Another micro millisecond later, I heard a great thud, crash, splash and splutter--plutttschhhhttt made the sound. I turned around and that's when I saw it, the spit, clinging to the glass, holding on to dear life. It looked at me one last time and died in its own pool of mucus. I looked around and that's when I noticed dozens of dead mucus all over the glass window. Apparently I was not the first one who got chased by a ball of mucus in that train station.Suddenly a little hand with little fingers holding a piece of paper popped out of the little opening in the glass window. The little lady attached to the hand said "Chi Chi Chi Chi Chi Chi". I looked at the piece of paper. It was my ticket to Chengdu."
About the Author Midnight's Chicken is based on one segment of my life-long journey that took me to over 130 countries. Cal O Cal, the narrator and the main character in the book, is my pseudonym and my alter ego. The book is a sequence of interconnected satirical stories that began when a pair of beautiful yellow pants suddenly entered my life and we decided to travel the world together. What follows is a bizarre concoction of fact, fantasy, and fiction mixed with several real and imaginary characters including dinosaurs, Loch ness monsters, Gods, Genghis Khan, Buddha and Dalai Lama. The story begins and ends in Munich, which is where I live; and therefore the book carries a strong running theme of German life revolving around beer, cheese and dirndls. The story starts with an insight into the bizarre circumstances surrounding my birth, my unusual education at a Chinese restaurant, my beliefs in edible Gods, my weird sarcastic humor, and my connection to Germans who refused to joke--all vital pieces of information for the establishment of my character as the narrator of the story. And then we go around the world from Germany through India, Burma, Philippines, Australia, South Korea, China, Mongolia, Tibet, Scotland, Portugal, Spain and back to Munich. The reason why the book is titled Midnight's Chicken will reveal itself during the course of the book. As a traveler, I used to write daily observational short stories on social media using satire, sarcasm and irony, which appealed to some people who insisted that I should write a book. Midnight's Chicken was born. As someone who lived in Asia, Europe and North America, I consider myself a global citizen. However, the stories are told as someone who does not belong to any one nationality, race, religion or culture. Cal O Cal may be reached on Facebook under the same name.
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Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Who likes to read David Sedaris will enjoy Cal o Cal’s writing By Andra Diana Riemhofer This is the first fiction-eBook I ever downloaded, and I hope it will be published in print soon, so I can gift it to my friends. I treat the collection of short stories like a box of fine chocolates—I enjoy one piece at a time.There are many things I like a lot about this book. What I would like to emphasize is that the author—intentionally or not—manages to help me as a German reflect my own culture and values. Since I have written my Master’s Thesis on how (in this case Children’s and YA Literature) can help you improve your intercultural competencies, or at least support you develop an awareness, I can say that Cal o Cal has done a great job in this field also.I especially liked what he said about German women, and how they are like potatoes. Cal o Cal really has a talent for explaining the most complex issues in a comprehensive and illustrative way. In my opinion who likes to read David Sedaris will definitely enjoy Cal o Cal’s writing.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Like a movie script for mind travels By bäuerin Cynical, satirical, entertaining and intelligent comments on author's everyday's life in "his Munich". And not only about Munich, Biergarten and Dirndls, but about his numerous travels around the whole world! You learn about life and people in many regions of the world. Sometimes you might get the impression of persons and situations being described stereotypically and exaggerated, but that's Cal O Cal's fiction! The good old English tradition of travel literature, individually interpreted with plenty of black humor and phantasy. "Midnight Chicken" is the perfect movie script for exciting mind travels.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. in depth view of Cal's global travels and Life Experiences By richard uren Some deep (sometimes too deep) but always funny views into Cal's travels and interactions with people and countries around the world.Where Lonely Planet fails, Cal o Cal's stand-up comedy version of his travel experiences makes you chuckle, laugh and imagine yourself around the world
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